Can I Keep the House in San Diego During Divorce If I Can’t Afford It?
Can one spouse keep their San Diego home through a divorce… even if they can’t afford it? In the midst of a divorce, the family home is often the most important financial asset—and an emotional anchor. But wanting to stay and being able to afford it are two very different issues. For personalized advice, Associate Broker Melina Rissone can help you evaluate your options and protect your financial future.
Navigating this decision involves balancing emotional needs with financial realities, especially in one of the nation’s most expensive housing markets. For many in San Diego, where homes are not only valuable but deeply tied to identity and family history, the desire to “keep the house” is strong. In this article, we’ll explore practical strategies and professional guidance to help you make the right move when one spouse wants the home… but can't afford it.
1. The Emotional vs. Financial Reality of Keeping the Home
It’s common for one spouse to feel deeply attached to the home, particularly when children are involved, or when the home represents security after years of marital instability. In San Diego, where neighborhoods carry personal meaning and homes are often multi-generational investments, the emotional pull can be powerful. However, emotional decisions often lead to poor financial outcomes. When only one income is left to support a mortgage, taxes, maintenance, and insurance, things can unravel quickly. Keeping the house out of fear or sentimentality can prevent both spouses from moving on.
According to legal experts, emotional attachment should be acknowledged… but decisions must be guided by numbers, not nostalgia. Separating your emotional wants from your financial limits is the first step toward post-divorce stability. A financial advisor or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can help frame the conversation in realistic terms.
2. Understanding Equity, Buyouts, and Refinancing Options
When one spouse wants to keep the home, they must buy out the other’s share of the equity, which is calculated by subtracting mortgage debt from the home’s market value. In California’s community property system, that equity is typically split 50/50. For example, if a San Diego home is worth $1.3 million with a remaining loan of $700,000, each spouse is entitled to $300,000 in equity. The spouse keeping the home must refinance the mortgage in their own name and provide the other with their share, which often requires a cash-out refinance. This process can be difficult post-divorce, especially if income has dropped or credit has taken a hit.
Refinancing in San Diego is particularly challenging due to high property values and stricter lending standards. Mortgage lenders typically require around a 43% debt-to-income ratio, solid credit history, and stable employment—criteria that can be difficult to meet especially during divorce. That’s why it’s important to assess whether you can qualify before deciding you want to stay. Melina Rissone can help you review your financial position, direct you to an experienced lender, and explore your options before you commit.
3. Creative Solutions: Co-Ownership, Deferred Sales, or Equity Offsets
When a buyout isn’t affordable, there are still strategic options. Some divorcing couples in San Diego choose co-ownership, where both spouses retain the title and agree on a future sale or refinance timeline. This works well when children are still in school and one parent wants to maintain stability until graduation. Others consider a deferred sale, a legal arrangement allowing one spouse to remain temporarily, with sale proceeds divided later. A third option involves equity offsets, where the spouse who keeps the house gives up another asset (like retirement funds or brokerage accounts) to balance out their partner’s equity share.
These alternatives can be effective, but must be legally documented to avoid future disputes. Each solution carries tax, risk, and long-term financial consequences—so legal and financial guidance is key. And these options are most successful when both spouses are willing to negotiate in good faith.
4. Why Professional Support Is Crucial: Legal, Lending, and Real Estate Guidance
Real estate decisions during divorce aren’t just financial—they’re legal, emotional, and highly personal. Working with a divorce-savvy team ensures that all angles are considered. A Real Estate Collaboration Specialist – Divorce (RCS-D) like Melina brings neutrality and structure to the process. RCS-D agents collaborate with family law attorneys, mortgage professionals, and financial planners to create a clear, fair roadmap. This includes assessing whether the home should be sold, refinanced, or retained with conditions.
In California, where community property rules are complex, having a coordinated team can prevent future litigation and financial missteps. According to Divorce This House, RCS-D agents are trained to protect both parties during emotionally charged transactions. And when children are involved, this kind of clarity helps minimize disruption. In a market like San Diego, where a misstep can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, expert guidance is essential.
Conclusion
Wanting to keep the house after a divorce is completely understandable, but it’s not always financially safe. In San Diego’s high-stakes market, the decision should be based on affordability and future stability, not just emotion. Whether it’s refinancing, negotiating an equity offset, or considering a creative legal solution, the right strategy can help you move forward without regret.
Surrounding yourself with a trusted legal, financial, and real estate team is the best investment you can make. If you’re going through a divorce and aren’t sure what to do with the house, contact Melina Rissone today for a confidential real estate consultation in San Diego.
Melina Rissone
Having sold properties for more than 20 years and earning various prestigious awards throughout the course of her career, Melina Rissone has more than earned her reputation as one of San Diego's most skilled and trustworthy real estate brokers selling homes and luxury condominiums. Her loyal clientele would share that Melina brings structure and planning to chaos. She specializes in supporting her clients and their referrals; families and individuals going through divorce and seniors and active adults planning their moves and financial decisions during their retirement years.
Coldwell Banker Global Luxury and Institute of Luxury Home Marketing certified.
Certified Senior Advisor by the Society of Certified Senior Advisors
Cartus Network Inventory Specialist and Cartus Network Marketing Specialist since 2015.
RCS-D Designation, a Real Estate Collaboration Specialist for Divorce.
SRES Certification through NAR is a Seniors Real Estate Specialist certification.
Melina is bilingual in English and German.
Recognized as the Top 4% of all real estate brokers in San Diego County in 2021 and the Top 3% of Coldwell Banker International.
Coldwell Banker Presidents Elite Award.
Recognize as the Top 2% of Coldwell Banker West in 2024.
Coldwell Banker Global Luxury and Institute of Luxury Home Marketing Certified.
Melina is on point, extremely resourceful and well connected. She has a very versatile knowledgebase so was able to help guide us in many areas I was not even expecting from an agent. I've referred her to several friends who all reported great experiences. She takes her role in representing her client very seriously so its not like some kind of half time gig thing. She gets it done.
-Dan C.
